que sara, sara, sara

when i was just a little boy, i'll ask my mother what will i be.

will i be handsome, will i be rich, who would've guess i'll end up being bitchy

Guess the word 'bitchy' never crossed my mum's mind at all, all she knew was that i was very talkative, yes, even as a kid.

sometimes growing up as the only child does feel lonely, especially when you see other peepps have their sibs to go out with, i also admire (the courage of, and not the luckiness of) other sole kids who can get on perfectly well with their extended family. never for me, i always think that my father's side have very disgusting people.

I am much closer with my mum's side though, but still, not that close...

i do love being the lone ranger, it gives me the ability to appreciate and not get sick of doing things myself. i love travelling alone without the hassle of suiting others, i love waking up whenever i want without someone else to fight over the bathroom with me. most importantly, i think that i am able to appreciate my mum and dad better than any others. I am afterall, the only person they can depend on when they are old. i am also able to realise the fragility of life, anything bad, and i'll be all alone. Pessismistic or self consoling? maybe, but there's nothing i can do now to change the fact that I am a long renger can i?

besides, i'm too old to be able to stand having another crying baby in my home. and pls do not even get to how my folks are gonna have a baby at their age. shudder. period

i was involved with miss j in a conversation yesterday about marriage. she said that she cannot understand why singaporeans need to have such lavish wedding dinners; and why would anyone want to share such an intimate occasion with tons of other people, plus why the couple seemed to invite any "tom, dick AND harry" they can get.

this is when geraldine said that it is a matter of face for the typical asian family.

i actually think miss j is rite.

why share such important occasions with other ppl whom u may not even like? who cares if my dad has face; it's MY wedding, not his. Why does the asian parents have to make use of their kids to show off their success?

Geraldine goes: it doesn't matter, the parents'll pay for everything anyway

and i thought: not a bad idea, but seriously, i prefer you to gimme all that money. Ha!

I wonder if I really wanted a wedding I have always dreamt of. She'll be in Vera Wang, and it'll be held in a cathedral (although I am not christian, and I'll never be one, ever. period.)

the wedding photos will be like what benjamin brett (aka julia roberts' ex) and talisa soto had. i distinctively remembered the one in B/W where they were looking at each other.

and the ring. it can only be the 6 prong diamond ring from tiffany.

but will i be able to afford it? why do i wish for such a great wedding? is it due to the lack of such by my own folks? am i looking at something to cover what my mum cannot experienced?

finally, how long can the wedding last? most importantly, why spend all that money for memories? why give oneself such beautiful images when all that matters is happiness? can there even be happiness in the first place?

i love weddings, and i love kids, but seriously, i do not see myself being in one. kids do indeed bring lots of joy, and although i hate them, it is rewarding to have them.

just what am i looking at in my life? is the countless pursue of materialism gonna satisfy me? it does, i suppose, but what happens after my folks leave me? My LVs and Hermes(if i can ever afford one) will not talk and provide for me.

Do I have to go the road of adoption? i dunno.